What I'll miss this 4th

As I sit and think about what the fourth used to mean to me, big family bbq's at my sister in laws house. Playing with all the kids, cooking our famous traditional recipies I find myself only able to celebrate through blogs and emails, they keep us close in contact but as I stare at the pics of my favorite pink house all decorated in red-white and blue I can see myself sitting on the porch, or on one of the dining room chairs. Helping with the deviled eggs, stuffed mushrooms and I'm sure one or two casserole dishes filled with potato casserole.. Hell I'd even settle for a few poopy diapers.. Changing them for her that is.. I can watch from a distance and hope that even though there are thousands of miles between us my heart is right there next to her.

Dealing with the smartasses and the fighting and the criticizing from people who shouldn't cast any stones themselved..

Happy fourth of July! Wish I was there

Justice

Well after 3 1/2 years I may finally get justice when it comes to Child Support.. See my ex thinks it's something he can pay whenever he feels like it and lady justice has decided that's not ok with her.. I've been on the state for 3 years to try and get them to help me.. To my excitement this weekend I got paperwork they are going to take him to court for contempt! WOOOO HOOOOOO!

I'm hoping this lites a fire under his lazy ass and gets him to pay. See he has a silver spoon in his mouth thanks to his parents and has basically had most of what he's had in life handed to him on a silver platter..

Keep your fingers crossed folks, cause if I start getting support maybe I won't have to work 50+ hours every week.. And when I'm off for the weekend I can actually take the whole day off ;-)..

Paradise at last!

Ok a GOOD friend of mine told me that I should try this blogging thing it's therapeutic, well I'm gonna give it a whirl..

Where do I begin how about I thought I met the "love" of my life who was going to save me from the Mother I couldn't/can't get along with and protect me from the world the way he protected me from my mom.. WRONG.. I did get to meet some great people along the way and finally have a sister something I had never had before.

But by the time I was pregnant with my second child, coming back from a nice relaxing vacation in Florida to see my parent's what did I come home to a HUGE MESS that included my tub, which was my peaceful spot my get away from the world spot to be filled with some other women's hair. Then her stalking me began, got the courage to leave only to come down with stage three hodgkins disease..

Have you ever had to face dying alone? It's not fun. I had to not only drive myself to my treatments and home but once I got home you think he helped with the kids.. umm no, have you ever been soo cold you laid on the floor and shivered and not even the hottest bath you drew made you warmer, granted getting that in that bath after finding another women's hair in it was repulsive... Couldn't stay in the bath long enough cause you felt like you had to puke but once you got to the toilet nothing would come up. And drive yourself with two kids one under the age of two to the Oncologist 6 times a week to get blood drawn and a shot that made you feel like you had been run over by a cemi truck for 8 months. I did have the emotional support of friends and family and when they could they even helped with the kids.. Granted I put on a brave face/act didn't want them to know/see what went on behind closed doors embarrassed I guess.

Why you ask he was never there, couldn't help, besides the other women.. Imagine playing on the couch with your kids they pick up the bag daddy's takes in his car all the time, ok not they the youngest looking for the gum they always see him give them to have her pull a half full vile of cocaine out of it. To run over and yank it out of her hand just before she starts to pull the top off to see what the white powder inside is?

And I always wondered why his showers lasted almost an hour, well once you pick the lock and catch someone with a crackpipe in their hand you'll know why the shower runs for an hour and why you always found pieces of brillo in the laundry.. I finally understood what I was dealing with..

So chemo done, Florida here I come and Paradise at last baby............................... to be continued